Sunday, February 4, 2024

Old Post About Finishing Book Project

 


(Photo by M. Bencivengo, of grapevines)

What do my Italian Tales book to be released soon, today's horror-scope, and giving thanks for friends helping out my family in a difficult time of need have to do with each other?


I intend to wrap this up by sunset this evening. As for this book, and more to come, it's probably a very good thing that my body's natural clock wakes me up at 4 AM every morning. Whether I stay up or not to write/edit/type is another story, but usually I do. Yesterday I was at the hospital pretty much all day with my SO (significant other) who had surgery. Then some of his family came over to our house to eat dinner. They brought a big room-sized rug over that they found on the internet, knowing we have been wanting to rip up the old carpet that came with this place when we got it two years ago and to put in a hardwood floor and a big rug...It was such a nice surprise. The day before that, a music friend stopped over who had found something my SO needed for his truck and it was such a huge favor and he stayed most the day through early evening. We talked and drank a lot of coffee. The day before that a music friend had stopped by bearing big bags by the armful of food--chicken and ribs from a new place in town. He stayed most the day. We sure appreciated all the company of caring people and all the help at a time like this. Thank you to those people and to all who have been thinking good thoughts for him and helping us out. That includes some of his family and my daughter.

(See previosu blog's horoscope I included.)

UPDATE: Book was submitted to publisher but nine of the photos good resolution so it is a prolonged search for original photos.

Thursday, October 5, 2023

Today's Horror-scope, and Giving Thanks for Friends Helping Out, and Some 'Friends' Being Schmucks

 



(Photo by M. Bencivengo: "Yes, I hit the ceiling!")



Part of this time was good--I got a project essenttially done!

Yet today my horoscope on YOUR TANGO website said,

          Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

        Savor the sweetness of life, Scorpio. Spend time in nature and get out a bit more than you usually do. Planning what you need will heal your heart and allow you to see who is wonderful. You can be successful under the right circumstances  (Horoscope For October 5, 2023 — Moon Enters Cancer | YourTango October 4, 2023) 

I thought how true, how true, twice for emphasis, because of all the wonderful people in my and my SO's life mentioned above. This becomes extremely welcome at a time when so many people in my life (who I wish were not in it but the lords of karma won't see it any other way) have been schmucks, and I don't mean just regular ol' schmnucks, but total f---s. I mean by that that they have been so mean, nasty, cruel, verbally abusive (4 paragraphs worth in one case) so as to even include verbal threats of physical violence, all because I put something on Facebook they didn't want to find out on Facebook but that is not entirely my own fault but I will take partial blame. Geesh, like no one has ever screwed up in life before or ever screwed up on FB before FB=Facebook Before, and Frown-Brow) by spilling the beans, and for sure, I am not the world's best Facebook whizz all the time. I am kind of an old lady, did not grow up with FB type media, and also there was a misunderstanding because by the time I posted it because someone was told about the news and told to tell certain others about the news so by then everyone was "supposed" to know, because because, because. No one wants to blame the person who didn't follow through and tell others, though, Blood is thicker than water so they only want to blame me. And wow boy did they ever blame me. So much more to this than is said here that I am not saying, but I can add that I have "suffered" this just short of 30 years by now among not just this person but her whole entire posse a;; who unfortunately the circumstances in my life did not easily allow me to avoid. So, I am taking this matter into my own hands by now and making myself avoid it always and forever from now on. Forgiving does not mean you have to hang out with the person(s). You do not have to have an active relationship or active friendship in order to be forgiving.

Meanwhile I got it from other arenas, like a three-ring circus. A horoscope back then precisely at the time when an upbeat trendy humor loving astrologer told me the universe would be bowing down to me (everyone in my sun sign, Scorpio!) in the upcoming week was either very innocently wrong or lying, But then again it was cursed by someone online telling me that oh by the way kind of thing in the words, "Just so you know" as in "I with my expertise will teach you a thing or two about astrology and the universe and I meanwhile I not let you have this happy or hopeful moment even though you just expressed in this same post that you just got out of the hospital after literally almost dying and how dare you take this prediction seriously," 

In another incident, I "lost" one of my best narcissist friends. I won't say any more, I can't say any more, and I need say no more. I was, to use one of my favorite words for people these days, flabbergasted by the insulting things this person said in a talk-down manner. It has happened before (in lesser degrees), but I always forgave the narcissist in this case, while usually I run from them when I see or hear them. If I am reading them, I just click out or sign off. 

Then an old friend who was once a very good friend until the bottle got the best of her and she was possessed by the spirits in the bottle that made her say the nastiest things to me when drunk came back into my life once again wanting--I would say needing--to be helpful...Her help usually comes in a militant way--that's all here I will say. I had to try to deal with the all-day pushiness/forcefulness of texts with "helpful" medical info, and on programs and such like for senior citizens all well and good but which served as interruptions at that time while I was with my SO before, during, and after surgery (and even texted that back--but I do not think she saw my replies) and with concerned family members during. this person has been two very different kinds of friends in my life: one a great friend before the changeling came, and two she had been a monster friend out to get me to ruin my life, wanting to tear me and my life down and destroy my spirit. Which she did, almost--chiseling away. Now she wants to rebuild. She didn't have to say that--she has tried this before. This time, I seem to be going along with it. When are bygones really bygones and when are they not, I ask myself. In most cases, there is no need to examine the second question within that question. 

IIn my lifetime, I have encountered more of this problematic type of person than not. I could write a book--and I think I WILL

SO yes, this time, the horoscope was right: I have been able to see who is left, as wonderful. If you have wonderful people in your life, don't forget to thank them for being that way, if not more frequent than at least every year on their birthday. 



Monday, October 2, 2023

***DREAMS*** Death Dreams from Last Summer

--DEATH DREAMS


(Image Compliments Pixabay)

With Halloween coming upon us, it is no wonder that thoughts now may turn to the Dance Macabre. This moment is no exception. 

This past summer I had two very marked and disturbing dreams somewhere between the middle to end of August, knowing the Equiniox would soon be upon us. This was, though, no regular Autumn Equiniox dream of my yearly Autumn psyche.

I wanted to blog about these immediately; but, one problem was I was in the hospital for a bit so I didn't. 

1. My Deceased Mother's Voice Warns Me About my Possible Impending Death 

I am in the hypnogogic state in which I am falling aslep but am still somewhat awake. I hear my deceased mother's voice tell me I might die soon, tell me if I want to that I can go to her, join her in the afterlife. I get a vague and far off image of her holding me and hugging me to her breast and then embracing me with total motherly love. Suddenly it feels real and up close. It is so completely comforting, except for the fact that I do not yet want to die--I am not ready. I have a granddaughter whom I would like to watch grow up and I have an important bucket list to complete. At least it is important in my mind--I am not always sure how important it is to the Lords of Death and Rebirth that I finish it; after all, it's only an earthly thing in my short little life within the large long life of our universe. Upon my mother feeling my feelings that I am not ready to acquiesce to death yet, not leave my family that remains here behind me, she tells me well be careful and if I am that I could live, that she will make prayers and appeasement to God to let me get over this illness and live. I kept pushing onward like a good soldier, but within a couple weeks I could barely stand up. Had I not gone to the emergency room when I finally did, deciding to give it up and not play stoic anymore or to let go of my work for a while for a needed rest, I would have died in not much longer a time. My mother has always looked out for me and saved my life more than once, on earth just as it is now in heaven.

2. "Parents, Dance With Your Children" Dream, With Creepy Music

The next dream woke me up--it was a "waking dream" as they are called. I awoke hearing some creepy macabre music, and a voice like a DJ voice announced over the music that sounded like a creepy dirge from a tale from the crypt, "Parents, dance with your children." 
In a state of a sort of stupor, I listened to the creepy-weird music for a couple moments in bewilderment, and it wasn't until I said something out loud on this solid earth plane to break out into the earth air that the music stopped. I called out, "Please turn off that creepy music." I thought it must have been a family member watching TV. My family member called back out to me, "I don't have any music on" and I thought it so odd that this sort of music with this message would be bourne in my dream. It carried a tone of doom. (I hope I was able to relay that to you since I used the word creepy three times!)

But, it turns out, there was a reason. I hear people say all the time that dreams are senseless, have no reason and no bearing on things here upon earth that we experience, but I do not subscribe to that at all. My dreams have more than not imported and imparted great knowledge to me insofar as my goings-on in my own psyche and of those around me, and of events to come as well. Whereas many people say dreams do not make much sense, my own dreams are often rather transparent As I have mentioned before but in my dream journal (which is not operative now, which is why this dream is recorded in here).

I didn't think about this at the time, but a family wedding was coming up (not on my side of the family). All kinds of unpleasant stir and ruckus among some family memebrs came out came out around the time of this impending marriage. Some people were upset that some people couldn't or wouldn't go, and some other big blowups occured also. There was coming gloom among family members at a time when there should have been happiness. Meanwhile, the bride and groom, looking quite beautiful and handsome and very much alive and vibrant (I did see pictures) had to suffer all this. 

Yes, by all means, Parents, dance with your children--before it is too late. 



Saturday, September 30, 2023

To This Day, I Miss the Little Lemon Tree

 


If you read the beginnings of this blog, you will see where its name came from and also how ironic it was (irony usually means to me that something was in synch, meaning was an act of synchronicity) that my daughter and granddaughter gave me a little homegrown lemon tree they grew from seed just when I had pulled out my old novel that sat in a drawer for nearly thirty years. I must tell you, for a while it was happy indoors in the winter in the sun in the northeast window where light was bright, but then, I had to sacrifice its place in that window in the sun due to something else I was not at all happy about and the lemon tree did die, unable to adjust to any new place of light. Moving it anywhere made it unhappy until it wilted and died. 
 
It was when the lemon tree died that I stopped working on that novel and put it away again. It is now a few years later. After the New Year 2024, I plan on finishing the final draft of my old novel. 

Meanwhile, I have been getting my small poetry and short fiction chapbooks out of my hair, to get things rolling off the press. 

When I get back to my novel, I plan to buy a more full grown lemon tree, to stand beside my pineapple palm tree. I hope they will be great friends. The pineapple loves its window. I hope the lemon tree will too. 

Thursday, September 28, 2023

NAME MAKING







(Arrowhead photo from Wiki; Rain Image by Roman Grac from Pixabay)

---What's in a name? Is a name is a name is a name? ---

I looked up, “Native American Tribes and choosing their names of people,” and I was directed to:

https://www.google.com/search?q=Native+American+Tribes+and+choosing+their+names+of+people&rlz=1C1CHBD_enUS1039US1040&oq=Native+American+Tribes+and+choosing+their+names+of+people&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOdIBCjI4NDUxajFqMTWoAgCwAgA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

where it was written:

Native American naming traditions vary depending on each particular tribe. Typically, they are derived from nature, represented by an animal symbolizing desirable characteristics or a certain trait. A Native American name gives us an insight into the personality of the one who possesses it.Dec 15, 2017,

Which apparently was from: 

https://www.ethnictechnologies.com/blog/2018/10/2/native-american-naming-traditions#:~:text=Native%20American%20naming%20traditions%20vary,the%20one%20who%20possesses%20it

which is an article called, Native American Naming Traditions, Written by Kathy Moore. Published Dec. 15, 2017.

Years ago, I was associated with some Golden Dawn/O.T.O. Magicians, Wiccans and Shamans, some of whom were studying with a Native American Medicine Man. I always had a hard time with my birth name and how to spell it, and I always had a hard time choosing my “magical” name. Each time I had a new big magical experience I felt like changing my magic name. I was told by the Native American Apprentice Medicine Man that in some tribes, a person would change his or her name at each new phase of life they began or had been through. It was not, then, uncommon to have one name for one’s youth, then another one for one’s middle age, then another for one’s old age.  

Well, I am a lot like that. As a small child, I would rummage the pages of the World Book Encyclopedia Dictionary wherein there were lists of all kinds of interesting tidbits of and charts of general knowledge about things in life on earth and the cosmos. One of them was a long list of names and their meanings. I used to study the names the same way I studied the planets. I decided if ever I had a horse I would name it Asher, which means, “The Bearer of Salvation.” And I had already learned to play the song “Exodus” from the Academy Award-winning film, so, of course, I had to look up Exodus. When I was old enough to be conscious of the fact that I wanted to be a writer when I grew up, I decided I liked the name Sonya Worthington as an author’s name (pen name) because, in my own interpretation, it meant that wisdom is worth a ton. I never did go with that pen name, though. I did like Willa a lot better—Willa Cather, that is. It was taken.

     And I never did descend upon one long enough to use it. Oh, I did now and then change the spelling of my legal name, but made no drastic changes. I did write for a newspaper for a while under a different name, but that was a married name I dropped when I got divorced to go back to my old name. Now, I am out to find a pen name.

     It’s been tough. My legal name was not initially my birth name. I was given a different name at my birth than the name that went down on my birth certificate when my parents changed it. I have always thought of myself as having a phantom life unlived, or in the land of the undead. I really should do a ceremony to bury that name, but I actually love the name I was given at birth. I had a different first name which was Catherine); the middle name was Marie. Then my mom wanted to name me Maria and then Marie. My dad did not want me to have either of those names. His name was changed from his birth certificate to sound more American and less ethnically Italian, just as his dad’s before him upon his arrival in America. My dad’s dad had a name that probably no one outside of Italy has ever heard of before--unless maybe they came from the old country too. And they could probably not spell it fast enough to write it down fast enough, either, on the records at Ellis Island. It had a couple z’s in it.

I have acquiesced, kept my name for now as Marianne Bencivengo instead of Mary Ann Bencivengo or Marianne Benci or Marie Benci. Some day, youy might find some of those names for me floating around out there.

 My dad loved folklore and used to take me around the neighborhoods to look at the street signs of all the streets named after Native American tribes that lived in our area or in the NE of the U.S. How many times have I written elsewhere before that as a child I used to run the woods and find arrowheads propped up against trees or jutting up out of the ground? I cannot count how many anymore. Nor can I count how many times I have changed my name or name spelling, or how many nicknames my friends used to give me.*

"Philly" for being philosophical.

"Ben" short for Bencivengo.

"Bennie" after Elton John's "Bennie and the Jets" as friends would sing the song to me when I would walk down the school hallways.

"Mare" short for Mary. (My dad, one of my cousins, and one of my friends, and two of my friends close to my familt, Claire and Nancy, would call me Mare. Even when I was little my dad would sing to me, "The old grey mare, she ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be..." and he would laugh--he was always singing all kinds of folk songs and laughing and telling jokes a lot; when he wasn't he was very Saturnine serious. 


Wednesday, September 27, 2023

Why and How I Believe in Astrology and Am Not of the Devil but of God!

 

(Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay


"Astrology is of particular interest to the psychologist, since it contains a sort of psychological experience which we call projected - this means that we find the psychological facts as it were in the constellations. This originally gave rise to the idea that these factors derive from the stars, whereas they are merely in a relation of synchronicity with them. I admit that this is a very curious fact which throws a peculiar light on the structure of the human mind."- -Depth Psychologist Carl Jung


If I want to know how to live, I consult astrology, by choice, the experts.
Oh and I read the great poets and writers who knew how to live--by choice, the expert poets and thinkers of all time.
Oh and poetry makes me think of and takes me to the Tao.
I also enjoy the mythic world and mythic universe.
These are all I need for myself. Everyone's different. I don't expect you to need or want or feel or think the same.
The three Wise Men of the Bible consulted astrology/astronomy (they were one and the same back then) ro PREDICT the coming of a great King. If it is good enough for the Wise Men and for Jesus, Mary, and Joseph then it is good enough for me. Not to mention how many people out of mankind who are happyt toi call themselves Christian and have the Wise Men to thank for that.
*
And if I feel like reading psychology every now and then, I read Jung or Hillman.

You don't have to "believe in" astrology to enjoy the planetary archetypes which are named after the Roman gods based on the Greek pantheon. Today/tonight, the Full Moon is in Libra. The Moon, which is the ruler of the astrological sign of Cancer, now has a Mars transit traveling through it, which lends a sensitivity to partnerships. Not all things Mars mean full blown war. Mars rules Aries and muscle and the sparks of beginnings like the equinox that sets the zodiac wheel--and the muscles--rolling or uplifting. In Libra of partnerships, whether romantic or business or relations of your family or tribe, the Moon lends a gentle diffused light onto relations, though this seemingly opposes Martial energy. It blends together, so most people will experience both, even if some feel mostly one influence or the other. This is now so due to society's collective sadness. (On a collective societal level we do not need an astrological analysis to tell us that we collectively are feeling a saddening last straw on the proverbial camel's back.) One thing to consider is that diffused soft light energy is still light and energizing, especially in a Full Moon that is especially strongly illuminating. Libra ruled by Venus (being that Full Moon is in Libra we also have the Venusian influence) brings harmonizing energy to partnerships in reaction, thank goodness, to Mars's war cries. You might put your face paint on before facing the world, yet a subdued sense of forgiveness can be vaguely or mildly felt, though the Libra scales that weigh things and make decisions might take angry tempers back and forth, one minute angry and the next feeling sadness, even in some cases from pity, in extreme criminal circumstances as Libra also represents the Scales of Justice weighing things in Law and Lawful matters. This can affect business partnerships as well as marriages or other legal proceedings. Mostly, Moon in Libra (with its Venus ruler the Goddess of Love and Beauty) is typically harmonious and romantic (though can also indicates dislikes as well as likes), if you believe in astrology, that is. If not, it will all happen anyways, unless you are determined to resist or desist these mysterious invisible forces 🙂 They are not really invisible if you have a clear sky. 🙂
Mary Ann Bencivengo, April 2023.

November 22, 2022: "Astrology is of particular interest to the psychologist, since it contains a sort of psychological experience which we call projected - this means that we find the psychological facts as it were in the constellations. This originally gave rise to the idea that these factors derive from the stars, whereas they are merely in a relation of synchronicity with them. I admit that this is a very curious fact which throws a peculiar light on the structure of the human mind."- -Depth Psychologist Carl Jung

If I want to know how to live, I consult astrology, by choice, the experts.
Oh and I read the great poets and writers who knew how to live--by choice, the expert poets and thinkers of all time.
Oh and poetry makes me think of and takes me to the Tao.
I also enjoy the mythic world and mythic universe.
These are all I need for myself. Everyone's different. I don't expect you to need or want or feel or think the same.
*
And if I feel like reading psychology every now and then, I read Jung or Hillman.

The early Christian church was not opposed to astrology, but opposed to believing in the planets as gods. When considered that God created the planets and their energies and effects to not oppose God but be created and ruled by God, there is less Christian opposition to astrology. --(November 22, 2022.)

You don't have to "believe in" astrology to enjoy the planetary archetypes which are named after the Roman gods based on the Greek pantheon. Today/tonight, the Full Moon is in Libra. The Moon, which is the ruler of the astrological sign of Cancer, now has a Mars transit traveling through it, which lends a sensitivity to partnerships. Not all things Mars mean full blown war. Mars rules Aries and muscle and the sparks of beginnings like the equinox that sets the zodiac wheel--and the muscles--rolling or uplifting. In Libra of partnerships, whether romantic or business or relations of your family or tribe, the Moon lends a gentle diffused light onto relations, though this seemingly opposes Martial energy. It blends together, so most people will experience both, even if some feel mostly one influence or the other. This is now so due to society's collective sadness. (On a collective societal level we do not need an astrological analysis to tell us that we collectively are feeling a saddening last straw on the proverbial camel's back.) One thing to consider is that diffused soft light energy is still light and energizing, especially in a Full Moon that is especially strongly illuminating. Libra ruled by Venus (being that Full Moon is in Libra we also have the Venusian influence) brings harmonizing energy to partnerships in reaction, thank goodness, to Mars's war cries. You might put your face paint on before facing the world, yet a subdued sense of forgiveness can be vaguely or mildly felt, though the Libra scales that weigh things and make decisions might take angry tempers back and forth, one minute angry and the next feeling sadness, even in some cases from pity, in extreme criminal circumstances as Libra also represents the Scales of Justice weighing things in Law and Lawful matters. This can affect business partnerships as well as marriages or other legal proceedings. Mostly, Moon in Libra (with its Venus ruler the Goddess of Love and Beauty) is typically harmonious and romantic (though can also indicates dislikes as well as likes), if you believe in astrology, that is. If not, it will all happen anyways, unless you are determined to resist or desist these mysterious invisible forces 🙂 They are not really invisible if you have a clear sky. 🙂
Mary Ann Bencivengo, April 2023.


True Life Tell-All's:
1) I was a 70s TM-er.
2) I love and believe in astrology.
3) I don't believe these things contradict God whether Christian God or other because i

My Astro-Bro, Neil Gaiman, same birthday, same month, same day, same year. My fave contemp author, too. See not all Scorpios are "bad, and neither is 18 degrees Scorpio always " bad." 🙂
Mostly, I have found that people who don't know me have often misjudged me, assuming to understand my actions, motives, etc. often when having no idea and being far from the truth. Remember, Jung said, "We don't see things as they are, we see them as WE are." (Emphasis mine). I am generally not one of those jealous Scorpios because I am quite happy with who I am and what I have and have had throughout my life and congratulate and celebrate others' successes. I can say I do wish I were as famous as my Astro-Bro, but not jealous. When others obtain success, I find it inspirational rather than get jealous. I wish people weren't so afraid of Scorpios. Like anyone other sign, they can be either good or bad or a mixture. It's pretty simple, The Golden Rule. Scorpio is not always mean or bad--that is the meaning of the old-world Scorpio Eagle flying above it all. (November 10, 2022, HAPPY BDAY to ME AND NEiL GAIMAN)

About This Blog Resurrecting and Books I am Getting Together, September 2023

My blog titled The Lemon and Peppercorn Trees was first created on __________ and here is the original introduction: "Here, I wander and meander through the beauty there is in the world through the arts and the world of artful living: Literature, film and the realm of A & E, music, visual arts, dance, the beauty of nature, and nature of food and cooking." Yes I have been working on an Italian cookbook off and on for years now. Lots of books off and on for years, so it's just like everything else! It can sit for months at a time without me looking at it. All my books are that way--until this past summer--then I tried to get them together.

(Photo at Huron River, Huron, OH, by M. Bencivengo)